Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Pic of the Day: Lonely Days Ahead...

Nearly 2 weeks after having his Chair Surface Interface Unit handed to him, the MittBot was seen wandering in the wilds of Suburbia, simulating ordinary people things such as pumping gas.

Keep your distance. He looks there's a body hidden somewhere. Or like Bruce Campbell headed home from a bad day of filming the next "Evil Dead" sequel.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Joseph Farah should Self-Deport

Whiny Wingnut Daily founder and all-around insane Obama-hater Joey "I DESPISE DEMOCRACY!!" Farah is calling for secession. Just can't stand Obama's big, huge, massive Republican-crushing landslide.

How 'bout you and your idiot followers on WND--and the rest of the teabaggers and fundies--just renounce your citizenship and piss off to one of the many theocratic paradises this earth has to offer? I mean, you've already got so much in common with your America-hating Taliban brothers (i.e., you hate America, you America-haters) that you might as well go live with them.

Leave. Leave now, you traitor. We'll be alright without you.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Pic of the Day: Too Bad We Can't Clone Sherman...

...and send an army of him out to deal with the sudden influx of stupid people screeching for secession in the wake of Obama's massive landslide ass-whipping victorious crushing beat-down of...uh...that loser. Can't remember his name, but it was last week.

(credit: dengre) You whiny little shits tried secession about 150 years ago. This fellow bulldozed some of your real estate. You lost, but never learned your lesson.

Let's put it this way: you don't get to leave just because you don't get your fucking way. Too many of you idiots live in states that take in more in federal money than they pay out in taxes (and yet YOU leeches bitch about paying too much). This is a democratic republic, not an autocracy, not a kindergarten sandbox.

I'd say we pick one such state and let 'em go, then give all the whiny losers in the remaining ones a few weeks to move there, but more importantly to give the intelligent people who know better time to move out. Build a wall or fence around it, cut all the roads and bridges, cut the power lines and any other infrastructure. No more federal money. Any federal property--especially military bases--gets bombed into uselessness. If an oil pipeline or other resource runs into the former state, reroute it.

Imagine that. A conservative paradise--you could call it Reaganistan (we Americans will call you Dumbfuckistan). No more FEMA, no more taxes to the IRS, no Social Security, Medicaid, Medicare, Obamacare, and you can put allll the old white men in office you want. You can set up a "fuck you, I got mine" economy of your own.

Assuming you realize that you fucked up (being wingnuts and all) and beg to be let back in, first thing is that you have to pay back, with interest, all the federal money you've ever glommed on to, all the way back to the LAST time you threw a tantrum in the 1860s. Clean slate.

An alternative would be to go through the list of goobers who signed those pro-secession petitions--some 500,000 goobers across all 50 states--strip them of their citizenship and deport them. Don't know where they'd go, though. I can't imagine a country that would have them. dumbasses could tough it out and grow the hell up. The country doesn't just belong to you.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Song of the Week: Landslide (Smashing Pumpkins)

Dedicated to the losing sore losers who lost (and who are still trying to understand how their wishful thinking and massive piles of cash failed to manipulate reality into a more compliant shape)--and to those who freaked out and made asses of themselves--Victoria "America died" Jackson; Donald "revolt!!" Trump; Ted "crying tears of blood" Nugent; that idiot girl in Georgia who said she's moving to Australia only to be advised that Australia won't have her; the Libertarian dork who's vowed to un-friend, disown, hate and be a dick to any and all Democrats on his Facebook, in his family, and in every social situation from now on; and especially the billionaires who blew metric tons of cash and got...NOTHING!!!! (bwahahahaha)

Not the bittersweet Fleetwood Mac original, but the annoying, grating Billy Corgan's cover.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Fifty-One States?

Puerto Ricans voted Tuesday on an important issue of their own: whether to join the United States, go independent, or establish a sovereign free association.

Statehood won, but not without division--the pro-statehood governor was kicked out.

His replacement is planning a constitutional assembly in 2014.

I didn't know how a state joins the union--good thing there's an Internet!

Update: Excellent breakdown of the situation at Daily Kos: Puerto Rico--Statehood and Status.

Florida's Sensible Party Wins!

In Florida, there were some ballot items that were almost as important as the presidential race.

The pissy wingnuts in the Legislature, Governor Scumbag, and their masters the Koch brothers were hoping to oust three FL Supreme Court Justices who ruled against the state's efforts to block Obama's Affordable Care Act.

Governor Scumbag can't fire the justices directly, but he was hoping to use Florida's "merit retention" to get the voters to axe the three so he could appoint some more compliant justices. I hadn't known that this was linked to the Koch scumbags, but it's not surprising.

At any rate, we the voters ruled that the justices get to keep thwarting the Tallahassee dirtbags.

The other good news is that a whole mess of wingnut state constitutional amendments failed--and they failed badly. These were pretty standard teabagger items--exemption from the Affordable Care Act, an attempt to lower the wall separating church and state, capping the state's ability to collect taxes, and the obligatory anti-abortion stuff.

In two years, that hairless teabagger grifting fraudster will be out as governor. Nice to know that at least some of his agenda has been crushed.

His teabagger pals, as expected, are gonna double down. Losing didn't teach them a thing.

Let The WHINING Begin!

Salon has served up a list of the top 20 whiniest, crybabiest, pearl-cluthingest, fainting-couchiest sore losers in the Twitterverse from last night's handing of the asses.

I saw a few bits of Twitterrhea just after NBC called the election for Obama in which MittBot supporters despair for America now. One favorite bit was seeing them crying over the electoral votes vs. popular--at one point, the MittBot was slightly up in the popular vote and the Twitterers were screeching, "HEY! Romney won the popular vote!! The Electoral College should be struck down!! OBAMA LOOOOOST!!!! WAAAAAAAAH!" Then Obama's numbers got updated and *poof* those screechers filled their diapers.

Time to whip out the diapers and pacifiers.

Update: You wanna see an epic freak-out and meltdown of a particularly unpleasant schmuck who's announced that he's going to unfriend/shun/abuse any and all Democrats in his FaceBook/family/friends/environment? I direct your attention to this guy, stamping his little Libertarian feet and screeching like an emo teenager in what Anne Laurie at Balloon Juice calls a "squid cloud of butthurt"; I won't link directly to him, though. He might SHUN me. 9_9   Here's a taste:

I strongly urge all other libertarians to do the same. Are you married to someone who voted for Obama, have a girlfriend who voted ‘O’. Divorce them. Break up with them without haste. Vow not to attend family functions, Thanksgiving dinner or Christmas for example, if there will be any family members in attendance who are Democrats…
If I meet a Democrat in my life from here on out, I will shun them immediately. I will spit on the ground in front of them, being careful not to spit in their general direction so that they can’t charge me with some stupid little nuisance law. Then I’ll tell them in no un-certain terms: “I do not associate with Democrats. You all are communist pigs, and I have nothing but utter disgust for you. Sir/Madam, you are scum of the earth.” Then I’ll turn and walk the other way.
"Squid cloud of butthurt" indeed! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Tuesday, November 6, 2012


Just felt like writing it again.


...and now 4 more years of teabag tears. Bwahahahaha!

So which will the teabaggers do first? The circular firing squad, where they turn on each other...

...or the self-destructive, emo approach?

Glad to see that Allen "War Criminal" West lost his bid for reelection. Deadbeat Dad Joe "owes $100,000 in child support" Walsh lost.

Bachmann's only 400-ish votes ahead of her Democratic challenger. [unfortunately, she won. Pity. The funniest thing I read about her was some crying conservative claiming that ol' Crazy Eyes coulda beat Obama. She couldn't even beat ROMNEY.]

The Party of Rape faction didn't do well, either--"Legitimate Rape" Akin lost. "Gawd intended" Mourdock lost. Still waiting to see how the rest of those insane bastards fared.

[UPDATE--speaking of insane bastards, Roy "10 Commandments" Moore got his old job back as chief justice of the Alabama Supreme Court. He says he's not bringing the big stone 10C's monument with him.]

[UPDATE--speaking of circular firing squads, the first name has been selected, and it's...Chris Christie!!]

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Tell it to the next hurricane...

Bunch of idiots chanting "USA! USA! USA!" shouting down a guy heckling the ShitMitt about climate change....

All that hot air and wishful thinking should deflect the next hurricane or other natural disaster. Just put 'em all right where Jim "The Hurricane Will Hit HERE" Cantore shows up.