...and send an army of him out to deal with the sudden influx of stupid people screeching for secession in the wake of Obama's massive landslide ass-whipping victorious crushing beat-down of...uh...that loser. Can't remember his name, but it was last week.
(credit: dengre) You whiny little shits tried secession about 150 years ago. This fellow bulldozed some of your real estate. You lost, but never learned your lesson.
Let's put it this way: you don't get to leave just because you don't get your fucking way. Too many of you idiots live in states that take in more in federal money than they pay out in taxes (and yet YOU leeches bitch about paying too much). This is a democratic republic, not an autocracy, not a kindergarten sandbox.
I'd say we pick one such state and let 'em go, then give all the whiny losers in the remaining ones a few weeks to move there, but more importantly to give the intelligent people who know better time to move out. Build a wall or fence around it, cut all the roads and bridges, cut the power lines and any other infrastructure. No more federal money. Any federal property--especially military bases--gets bombed into uselessness. If an oil pipeline or other resource runs into the former state, reroute it.
Imagine that. A conservative paradise--you could call it Reaganistan (we Americans will call you Dumbfuckistan). No more FEMA, no more taxes to the IRS, no Social Security, Medicaid, Medicare, Obamacare, and you can put allll the old white men in office you want. You can set up a "fuck you, I got mine" economy of your own.
Assuming you realize that you fucked up (being wingnuts and all) and beg to be let back in, first thing is that you have to pay back, with interest, all the federal money you've ever glommed on to, all the way back to the LAST time you threw a tantrum in the 1860s. Clean slate.
An alternative would be to go through the list of goobers who signed those pro-secession petitions--some 500,000 goobers across all 50 states--strip them of their citizenship and deport them. Don't know where they'd go, though. I can't imagine a country that would have them.
OR...you dumbasses could tough it out and grow the hell up. The country doesn't just belong to you.