Saturday, November 26, 2011

Theme Songs for Politicians!

I'd never given any thought to the into music a band plays for a late-night show guest's "walk-on" until this past week, when the story broke that Jimmy Fallon's house band--The Roots--played a few bars of Fishbone's "Lyin' Ass Bitch" for Michele "Crazy Eyes" Bachmann as she oozed onto the stage.

I know, I'm supposed to be appalled at such disrespectful behavior toward such an important...

No, screw that. She's a lyin'-ass bitch (it has been proven!), and there should be no apologies from the band or Fallon (though he's already done so). SHE should apologize for her chronic dishonesty.

I've been thinking of other theme songs, though, for the rest of the wingnut brigade seeking the presidency.

Jon Huntsman? "Mr. Cellophane" from "Chicago."

Herman Cain? "Magic Man" by Heart (he's got magic hands!). Or "Gimme All Your Lovin'" by ZZ Top. Or "Ice Cream Man" by Van Halen. "Shaft."

Mitt Romney? "Dust in the Wind" by Kansas. Not many songs about perfectly-lubed weathervanes, but plenty like "Any Way the Wind Blows" by Doris Day.

Rick Perry? What do you play for a stupid hick? "The Beverly Hillbillies" theme? The "Gomer Pyle" theme? Nah, he's not a LOVABLE stupid hick. He's more like the predatory banker Drysdale than like one of the Clampetts. Gonna have to think on it.

Rick "Frothy" Santorum? What do you play for a disgusting piece of crap? Anything by GG Allin would do.

Ron Paul? Maybe Edgar Winter's "Free Ride" for his freeloading libertarianism? A funeral dirge for those "Let him die!!!" teabaggers who adore this wasted stick of jerky?

Newt Gingrich? "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch." Grinch is in his NAME, it's a natural! Besides, this idiot wants to get rid of child labor laws. Or--given his divorce record--"50 Ways to Leave Your Lover."

No one should apologize to these thin-skinned morons after snarking on them. That's all they exist for.

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