Thursday, August 11, 2011

Attack of the Killer Tree Frog!!

For the past three weeks, I've had a tree frog living in my air conditioner. I remember there was a plague of frogs in someone's religious story or other. Can one frog be a plague?

I never laid eyes on it until early yesterday morning--but I've heard the little bugger several times a week. Never at the same time of day, either--but almost always when I'm trying to sleep. I dubbed him "Scott," because it's a great name for an annoying little prick that keeps me from sleeping peacefully.

I never realized how freaking LOUD those things are before this one set up camp. The A/C unit's just a small metal box; there are slots in both sides and on the top on the outside part of the case. The only divider between the inside and outside halves is a couple of inches of Styrofoam. Not soundproof at all.

So there I am, sound asleep, dreaming, peaceful, and GRAK...GRAK! GRAK! GRAK! GRAK! GRAK! GRAK! GRAK!

Always 8 times, and always with a significant pause after the first, and always loud as hell. There were a few times when I was in my car, backing out of the side yard, and I'd hear Scott loud and clear. I put some gray cells on the problem, trying to think up a way of getting him out of there and keeping him out.

Usually I could just slap my side of the A/C unit and Scott would shut up.

Until yesterday morning. It's 5 a.m., I'm just dozing off and GRAK...GRAK! oh for GRAK! fark's sake GRAK! smack! GRAK! smack! GRAK! smack! GRAK! GRAK! GRAK! GRAK! GRAK! GRAK! GRAK! GRAK! GRAK! GRAK! GRAK! GRAK! GRAK! GRAK! GRAK! GRAK! GRAK!

Scott's not having any of it. Didn't stop with 8, either--he kept on going even after I pulled one of the window fillers aside and whacked the side of the A/C box. He stopped once I turned the lights back on.

I grabbed a screwdriver and got the freaking A/C undone and pulled it into my room. Cold water and algae and dead bugs came pouring out of my side of the thing once it tipped just right in my direction. Once I had the thing wrestled around sideways, I could see the little shit sitting on top of part of the equipment inside--and just sitting, staring me down like a little green red-eyed badass daring me to come in there and start something.

I dribbled lemon juice on him, hoping it'd irritate him enough to leave. He turned and went deeper amongst the A/C parts. I didn't hear him again until this afternoon, somewhere outside.

I hurried out and wired pieces of carpenter's mesh over the outside vents. It's ugly, but I can't take the case apart without pulling the entire thing out of the window. Assuming Scott's actually evicted, I'll just leave it alone until Fall, then open the thing up and make the screen permanent on the inside.

I'm not sure if I found the right species, but I managed to find something close to Scott's racket. Turn it up 'till it's too loud!

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