It's October! Time for Sucky Slogans!

I blame the Germans or whomever it was that brought us "Oktoberfest." Now every October, we get to hear the results of slack-jawed marketing wonks' brainstorm sessions as they try to play off of that.

Rock radio stations give us...ROCKTOBERFEST!!

In the UK, it's Scotstoberfest.

But those marketing sessions don't always work out. Last year, the folks at Mini Cooper announced that it was..."Motortober." Motor. Tober. Sad.

With that in mind, I made my own list of ways to celebrate this month:

Sharktoberfest. Why only have "Shark Week" on the Discovery Channel? Why not an entire MONTH of shark reruns?

SPARCtoberfest. Show Scalable Processor ARChitecture some love.

Sparktoberfest. All spark plugs & tune-up parts on sale!

Croctoberfest: A full month of Steve Irwin on "Animal Planet."

Shocktoberfest. A Texas-style execution party in which all pending executions are moved up to one a day. Everyone MUST GO!!

Cocktoberfest. International Porn Month. OR...

Cocktoberfest. Celebrate chicken in all its varied forms--wings, fried, baked, with dumplings, with rice...

Crocktober. It's all about "Fox News."

Proctober. National colon health awareness month.

Nocktober. Archery month!

Spocktoberfest. Sci-Fi (oh, sorry--"SyFy" *yawn*) does a Star Trek marathon.

Mocktober. Happens any other month.

Arktoberfest. We found Noah's Ark--for real this time! Honest!

Chocktoberfest. Chocolate on sale, leading up to Halloween.

Shaqtoberfest. Shaquille O'Neal gets to program one TV channel for the entire month.